


The Dumb Brute and the Bardling

by Stinastar



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Caring Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Drunk Jaskier | Dandelion, Everyone Is Gay, Everyone Thinks They're Together, Fluff, Julek, M/M, Texting, background Lambert/Aiden - Freeform, the gang celebrates Lambert's birthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:16:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27651215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stinastar/pseuds/Stinastar
Summary: Modern AU with texting. Everyone thinks Geralt and Jaskier are dating, but they’re just friends. Right? It’s silly and it’s SOFT. Guest appearances by Yennefer, Aiden, Lambert & Eskel. Lambert & Aiden are dating, Jaskier and Aiden are good friends, Yennefer and Geralt are ex's and friends?
Relationships: Background Lambert/Aiden, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, background Geralt & Yennefer, background Jaskier & Aiden
Comments: 16
Kudos: 180





	The Dumb Brute and the Bardling

**Author's Note:**

> This is the third prompt for my 100 followers celebration on Tumblr 😊 A2 is “Everyone thinks we’re dating, but...” 
> 
> fandommagpie on Tumblr sent: Can I get Geraskier for a2 on your bingo card please?  
> (Congrats btw, your writing is awesome)

(Geralt & Yennefer)

Text from Dumb Brute

  * Hey, I’m going to have to reschedule tonight, sorry
  * Got hit by the flu, I can’t get off the couch



~~

Text from Yen

  * Brutal. You need anything?



~~

  * I’m good
  * Jaskier said he’d come by after work with soup and stuff



~~

  * Aww. Such a sweet boyfriend
  * Makes me puke 🤢



~~

  * I told you to stop that. You know he isn’t my boyfriend



~~

  * Uh huh
  * Whatever you say
  * Get well soon. Stay away from me until you do 😘



———

(Aiden & Jaskier)

Text from Aiden 😼

  * Where were you on Friday?
  * Karaoke is _not_ the same without you
  * The girls made me sing Taylor Swift with them
  * You are cruel 😩



~~

Text from Bardling

  * Geralt wasn’t feeling well
  * Brought him meds and soup and gingerale



~~

  * Aww. Nurse your boyfriend back to health?



~~

  * 😒😒
  * Not my boyfriend
  * Brat
  * I just made sure he was all set up
  * Being sick when you live alone sucks
  * Maybe you forget. Blissfully happy with your feral asshole



~~

  * Hey now
  * He’s my _sexy_ feral asshole
  * So.
  * You tuck him into bed?



~~

  * Shut up Aiden



———

“Happy biiiirthday, dear Lambert, happy birthday to youuuu…” several voices sang in the pub.

“You look like a monkey” Eskel added.

“And you smell like one too!” Geralt ended.

Everyone cheers’d their beers, and the cake was cut up and passed around. Geralt and Jaskier shared a big slice, Geralt eating the cake and Jaskier the icing. Eskel stared at them.

“You’re both abominations.” Eskel said

“Hey, mind your own cake,” Jaskier said before stuffing his face with another forkful. He got icing on his chin and Geralt reached out to wipe it off, then quickly licked it off his finger. Jaskier stared with wide eyes and Eskel just snorted before turning to talk to Lambert and Aiden. When cake was done they moved on to the pool table. Jaskier waved them off to play the first round and went to order another pitcher of beer for the table. He leaned on the bar as the bartender approached.

“Hello gorgeous! Come here often?” He grinned. The bartender snorted.

“That the best you got?” They replied.

“Well, you smiled!”

“Don’t think your boyfriend would appreciate us flirting.” They laughed, glancing over Jaskier’s shoulder. “What can I get you?”

“My boyfriend? I don’t… Uh, another pitcher of the special, thanks. But I promise, I’m very single.”

The bartender raised an eyebrow.

“The built grey-haired guy over there that you just shared a plate of cake with?”

Jaskier blushed, looked over to the group at the pool table, then quickly back at the bartender.

“So, you noticed me!” He tried. They smirked and handed over the pitcher, and he passed over his credit card.

“Start a tab?” The bartender asked, and Jaskier nodded. “Have fun.” They said, dismissing him to move to the next waiting patron. Jaskier sighed and returned to the group.

“Strike out, Jask?” Aiden asked. Jaskier rolled his eyes.

“They seem to be under the impression that Geralt and I are dating, and won’t be swayed.”

Aiden chuckled, and Eskel and Lambert exchanged a look. Jaskier slumped onto a stool.

“Do you want me to, uh, want me to say something?” Geralt asked. Jaskier’s eyes widened as he looked up at Geralt.

“No! Uh, no. It’s fine, thanks.” As if striking out in front of his best friend and long-time crush wasn’t embarrassing enough. Having his crush ensure the person he’d just struck out with that there was nothing between them? He wasn’t really prepared to be obliterated like that tonight. He filled his cup and gulped half of it down as Geralt looked on before returning to the game. Lambert and Aiden kept fooling around and getting distracted, and Eskel took forever to line up every shot, so the game dragged on. By the time it finished, Jaskier was finished his second cup of beer from the new pitcher, which was their fourth of the night. He swayed slightly on his stool.

“Jaskier, slow down, you’ll never outdrink us, you stupid bastard,” Lambert laughed. Jaskier furrowed his brow and pointed at him.

“You, ssir, are… th’ birthday boy, so won’t rise to that. ’S your birthday! ‘M celebrating!”

“Unless you’re planning on celebrating by decorating the floor, let’s get you some water.” Geralt said, reaching for his cup.

“You’re *hic* not th’ boss of me!” Jaskier retorted, jerking his cup out of reach. “Mm fine! We’re celebrating!” He refilled his cup, sloshing a little, and Geralt let out a long-suffering sigh. He let Jaskier take a sip from it, then swiped the cup from his hand. “Hey! Get y’r own!” Jaskier reached to grab it back and lost his balance, falling towards Geralt. Geralt wrapped his arm around his waist and drew him in. Jaskier stared up at him with wide, bleary eyes, leaning against his chest.

“Ok. I’m taking you home.” Geralt said.

“Oooo!” Lambert cooed before Aiden swatted his arm.

“Happy birthday, bro. Sorry we can’t stay later.” Geralt said.

“No worries, try not to get puked on.” Lambert replied, grinning.

“But _I’m_ not ready to leave!” Jaskier whined.

“You are,” Geralt stated, pulling him along. “Goodnight Eskel, Aiden.”

“Goodnight” Eskel said.

“Bye boys!” Aiden sang. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“What does that cover, exactly?” Lambert asked his boyfriend. Geralt snorted. As Geralt pulled the pub door open someone called out.

“Hey, wait! Grey-haired guy!” Geralt turned and Jaskier stumbled into his side.

“Here. Your boyfriend had left his card for a tab.” The bartender held out Jaskier’s credit card.

“He’s not… thanks.” He took the card and gave the bartender a quick smile, then turned back to the door, arm around Jaskier’s waist to steady him. He poured Jaskier into the passenger seat of his truck and did up his seatbelt, then got in his side.

“Ey! We’ve been drinking. _You_ shouldn’t drive.” Jaskier slurred.

“ _You’ve_ been drinking. I’ve been nursing one beer.”

Jaskier scowled, trying to remember.

“You ok to crash at my place?” Geralt asked. “Then I don’t have to drive across town. We can grab breakfast tomorrow.”

Jaskier nodded, then dropped his head against the window. He watched the city lights pass by for a minute before his eyes started fluttering closed. When they got to Geralt’s apartment building he parked the truck and turned to look at his friend. Jaskier was gently snoring, face smooshed into the window. Geralt smiled fondly before reaching over to shake his shoulder gently.

“Jask, we’re here. Wake up.” Jaskier grumbled incoherently. “Come on. Bed is better. Let’s go. Don’t make me carry you.”

Jaskier groaned out a complaint but straightened up in his seat and fumbled to undo his seatbelt, getting it on the third try. Geralt got out, went around and opened Jaskier’s door, arm out to catch him if he stumbled. They clumsily made their way inside. Geralt steered Jaskier into the kitchen and sat him down on a chair before going to the fridge. He grabbed a Gatorade, opened it and passed it to Jaskier.

“Here. Drink some before bed. It’ll lessen the complaining I have to hear in the morning.”

Jaskier did as he was told.

“Gotta piss” he mumbled before stumbling down the hallway. Geralt put the Gatorade in the fridge and downed a cup of water before following down the hall. He gathered the clothes strewn on his bed and floor and tossed them all in the hamper, then straightened the bedding before going back to the hallway. Silence.

“Jask? You alright?”

“Mm comin” he heard water splashing, and a moment later Jaskier trudged out with half-open eyes.

“Don’t get in on my side” Geralt said before passing Jaskier to use the bathroom. Jaskier dragged his feet and struggled out of his clothes until he was only in his boxers. Geralt returned a couple minutes later to find Jaskier sprawled across the entire bed, on top of the covers. Geralt chuckled.

“Come on, Julek” he murmured. He got a soft sound that was muffled in the blankets in response. Geralt rolled him over, pulled the covers back then rolled him to his side of the bed and tucked him in. Geralt stripped down to his boxers and crawled in on the other side of the bed. Jaskier shimmied over and nudged at his arm until he lifted it. Jaskier snuggled under it, laying his head on Geralt’s chest, and Geralt settled his arm around Jaskier’s waist.

“Was cold” Jaskier murmured.

“Mmhmm.” There was silence for a few minutes, and Geralt thought Jaskier had fallen asleep. His thumb idly stroked at Jaskier’s hip.

“Geralt.”

“Mmm.”

“Everyone always thinks we’re dating.”

“Hmm.”

“Does it… bother you?”

“…no. Does it bother you? Sorry about the bartender.”

“Um, no, it’s ok. … do you ever… do you think maybe… we should?”

“Should? Be bothered?” Geralt’s thumb paused. Jaskier shook his head. “Should date?” Silence. Jaskier held his breath. “Do you want that?” Jaskier was still silent, and his breath was coming in quicker, shorted bursts. “Hey. Jask, it’s me” Geralt soothed, rubbing his hand softly up and down Jaskier’s side. “Yeah,” his voice went rumbly, “I’d like that. If you want.” Jaskier looked up at him with wide eyes, suddenly looking much more awake. “You’re always flirting with someone, or taking someone home…” Geralt trailed off. “I didn’t think…”

“ _I_ didn’t think! You never said anything! Or…”

“Jaskier.”

“Geralt.”

“Who drives you home from late-night gigs? And picks you up from dates gone wrong?”

“Well…”

“Who helped you move, and fought off jealous ex’s? When you broke your wrist, who…” he was cut off when Jaskier pushed up on his elbow and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Mmm.”

“Mmm.” Jaskier mimicked, pulling back to brush his nose against Geralt’s. “So we’re both idiots” Jaskier whispered.

“Seems that way.”

“Well, a good match then.”

“Mmm.” Jaskier leaned down to kiss him again, then snuggled down again and Geralt gave him a squeeze, then nuzzled his face on the top of Jaskier’s head before kissing it.

———

Text from Bardling

  * So, about how you call Geralt my boyfriend…



~~

Text from Aiden 😼

  * Fucking FINALLY!!!!!
  * Tell me EVERYTHING



———

Text from Dumb Brute

  * So, Jaskier stayed over last night…



~~

Text from Yen

  * If you didn’t fuck I don’t want to hear about it



~~

  * We didn’t fuck… 



~~

  * I fucking hate you. Never speak to me again



~~

  * But…



~~

  * Thin ice, old man



~~

  * I think he’s my boyfriend now?



~~

  * He’s been your boyfriend for months. Years. You’re both just dumb as rocks.
  * I’ll let you live another day
  * As long as I get details
  * DETAILS, GERALT



**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Your kudos and comments brighten my day 🌈💖  
> Check out my profile for more Witcher fics!  
> Find me on tumblr under stinawrites & stinastar


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